and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
