Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
