she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
