So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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