the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
