i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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