Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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