Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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