I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
