Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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