make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
