We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
