I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
