This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
