I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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