I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
