There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
