Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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