THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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