I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize