i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
