What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize