Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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