Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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