this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
