smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
