:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
