last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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