You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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