can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize