A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
