remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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