talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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