just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
