should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
this hospital has no fireball
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize