just come out here and I will go home with you...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
