Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
