By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
