i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
