Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
