Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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