we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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