My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
