Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
