You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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