Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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