Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize