i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
