the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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