we made out on top of his cat.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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