Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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