The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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