just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
