dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
