There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
