Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
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