I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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