I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
