that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
