I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
