I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
