Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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