Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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