she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
