Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
