shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
