Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
