Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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