I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
