she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
