I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
