is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
