At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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